hey what’s goin on!?
just recently i’d been into a lot of thinking..i mean real thinking..odd thoughts to be exact..well i dont know but life is givin me a new shot right now..back then i used to believe that once i finish school, pass my board exams and be the nurse that i wanted to be since i was a child,land a job then life would be good..my life would be easy and everything will be fine..now im starting to realize that life does’nt end with what you have dream and wanted..it continuesly evolve and give you bunch of unexpected surprises..even the ones that you least expect to happen..ask me if im happy after i’ve fought and won the battle..after the hard work..well im not certain..i think being grateful is just overrated..how could you be grateful when your not even happy..granted you have things that other people dont have and you are what other people are not,but come to think of it..you just deserve it especially if you really did a hard labor its just fair for you to harvest some sweet fruit..then there comes fairness..having the props you earnestly earned..i dont know if what im trying to say here is coming up clear..im also trying to figure it out..im just hurting inside!so much that i cant even explain the pain..i dont know its so sudden and it strucked me right then and there..that thought..until now its still here inside my head..could you imagine i came to work this afternoon for the noon shift i was riding a taxi sitting at the back not noticing that tears started to fell down from my eyes..it hurt so bad and i cant hold back..i dont care if the driver is giving me that questioning look, all i know is that im hurting inside and its just right to pour out some tears to ease the pain or at least to feel better..and up too work im crying,my eyes were swollen and red..even one patient did asked me if im crying or having some allergies,and the other one asked me if why im upset,but i never mind to answer..i dont know where this life is leading me now..i feel so lost,uninspired,i lack motivation and the will to pursue..i hope tomorrow is going to be a better day..i hope i can figure it out..i hope to see that spark of light..
